


Save Me From Myself

by Tillyalf427



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Family, Gen, High ☆ Speed!, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, Ikuya Suffers, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Siblings, Suffering, Swimming, kind of sad i guess, self-harm in later chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-02
Updated: 2018-08-10
Packaged: 2018-08-19 04:38:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8190386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tillyalf427/pseuds/Tillyalf427
Summary: Ikuya has been suffering with anxiety for the past year and it only gets worse in his first year of middle school. Natsuya has been worrying about Ikuya for the past year and is determined to find out what is wrong with his younger brother, if only Ikuya would talk to him...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so people are either going to love me or hate me for this but I wrote it anyway. I'm not sure how many chapters this is going to have but I think it will be somewhere around five. I have ideas of what to write for once. I couldn't find many fanfictions with Ikuya in and he was my favourite character in high speed so i though, how better to show my love for this smol bean then to write a fanfic about him suffering? Also, I didn't want to tag any relationships in the tags as I don't think there will be any romantic relationships, i think this story is mainly going to revolve around Ikuya and Natsuya but it's not incest, I repeat it is NOT incest. They will not be in any romantic relationship, just two brothers learning to get along with each other or something like that. I can not promise to update regularly but I will try. Anyway, any criticism is appreciated and I hope you all enjoy.

_Breathe_ , Ikuya told himself once more. His breath was coming at a rapid pace and his head was spinning violently as his eyes followed the seconds hand on the clock. Tick, tock, tick, tock. The constant ticking only served as a reminder to Ikuya that when the bell rang, he couldn't just go home and curl up in bed, no, he had agreed to join the swim club and that meant he had to see Natsuya.

 _Why did I agree to join the swim club? Why did I do something so stupid?_ Ikuya mentally questioned himself. His head was spinning and he had long since given up on trying to concentrate on what the teacher was saying.

He was still lost in thought when the bell rung, making him jump slightly. His brain was still muddled up as he stood up, distractedly gathering his things and heading down to the pool.

 

 

"Everyone line up," Natsuya instructed the many people who were gathered around the pool.

Everyone replied with a 'Yes!' before doing as Natsuya had instructed.

"Today we've got some new club members. I'm sure the second and third years already know but there's a practice tournament with Sano middle school coming up. And then after there's a real tournament. the first years will also be participating so don't slack off." Natsuya began explaining.

"Yes!" Came the reply again.

"Now then these are the new first years. Now go on and introduce yourselves." Natsuya turned to the four boys stood next to him.

"Shiina Asahi, I'm a first year!" Asahi started enthusiastically

"Hey, we already know you're a first year." Natsuya cut in

"Ah! Uhmm...." Asahi stuttered as people giggled at his mistake.

"I moved here this spring. I went to a SC where I used to live and I'm good at butterfly. I plan to become even faster! Nice to meet you," Asahi finished, bowing as everyone clapped

 _How can he be so confident_ , Ikuya asked himself, staying silent when the attention tuned to him.

 _Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic_. He told himself over again, trying to keep his breathing even.

_Don't panic. all you have to do is introduce yourself...._

Ikuya's thoughts were cut short when Natsuya glanced over, noticing Ikuya's reluctance, he said

"Ikuya, introduce yourself,"

Ikuya looked down, repeating the same phrase, don't panic, over and over again as he introduced himself.

"I'm Kirishima Ikuya. I swim breaststroke," He was mumbling only, at that moment in time, all he really cared about was trying to calm down so that he didn't have a panic attack. there was a small ripple of applause however, Ikuya was convinced that he hadn't spoken clearly enough for people to hear.

A lot of what happened after that point was a blur to Ikuya. He briefly remembered Makoto and Haru introducing themselves and Natsuya racing Haru then everything turned into a blur again before he remembered Asahi having trouble swimming freestyle.

It was later on in the changing rooms where Natsuya, Nao, Makoto and Haru were trying to work out why Asahi couldn't swim that Ikuya's anxiety came rushing back. He wasn't sure where the sudden panic came from or what triggered it but he had began feeling panicky.

"Hmm...You really just became unable to swim all of a sudden?" Natsuya asked

"Yeah." Asahi nodded slightly. Natsuya and Nao looked towards each other, both of them looking confused

"isn't that because you just can't swim free?" Ikuya asked, trying to act normally in the hope that his anxiety would go away if he acted like everything's fine.

"No! I can swim it! But....But today....when I tried to swim....I just couldn't. Ugh!" Asahi replied turning away from everyone.

"But why so suddenly?" Makoto asked

"Like I should know." Asahi muttered

"Hmm, it's probably a mental problem." Nao suggested

"Mental?" Asahi asked, his eyes widening. Natsuya came up behind him, placing his hand on his shoulder. Asahi turned around to look at him as Natsuya began talking.

"It's okay. If you were able to swim before, then it will instinctively come back to you soon enough,"

Asahi began grinning before replying with

"Okay,"

Ikuya hardly heard the end of the conversation, too lost in his own thoughts to concentrate.

-Flashback-

"Ikuya, you're getting way better than you were before. it's okay. you'll figure it out soon enough. Keep trying, Ikuya!" Natsuya said enthusiastically.

"Nii-chan....Okay!" Ikuya smiled

-End of flashback-

Ikuya could feel his breathing speeding up. His eyes glistened with tears as he picked up his things, running out of the changing room before anyone could stop him.

"Hey Ikuya." Natsuya called. Ikuya glanced back to look at his brother but ignored him as he called his name once more.

Tears were now falling freely from his eyes as panic consumed his body, taking over his thoughts. he ran. He didn't know where to but he ran. at that moment he wanted to be anywhere but with his brother.

He ended up running to the other side of town and by the time he got there, his legs ached and his lungs burned. he was still panicking slightly but he had calmed down slightly whilst he had been concentrated on not tripping over his own feet whilst running.

_Why am I even panicking. What is there to panic about? You're pathetic, useless, even your own brother hates you!_

With that thought lingering i his mind, Ikuya broke down, falling to his knees as tears streamed down his face and his breathing came quicker than usual. He didn't care how many people were looking at him funnily. He didn't care that people were passing by him, judging him. He couldn't take it. He couldn't stop the tears once they had started. He started to feel dizzy after a while and he knew that he needed to calm down to get rid of the dizziness only, he still wasn't sure why he was panicking or what he was panicking about.

 _Breathe_ , he told himself, _remember that article you read about it, breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Or was it in through your mouth and out through your nose?_

Ikuya's panicked mind was making it hard to concentrate as he attempted to slow his breathing down. It worked to slow his breathing down however, his heart still beat at an almost painful rate. His hands were shaking as he pushed himself up off the ground and his legs shook as he turned around and began walking back the way he came, ignoring all the funny looks he earned as he walked.

He got home just over half an hour later, earning himself confused and concerned looks from both his parents and Natsuya

"Sorry I'm late. I went for a walk," Ikuya lied. His parents didn't know about his anxiety, neither did Natsuya. He hadn't told anyone about the constant worrying and frequent panic attacks.

"Ikuya, are you alright?" His mother asked, concern filling her voice.

"I'm fine," Ikuya said looking down. He knew that his eye were probably red and puffy and he knew that there were probably glistening tear stains on his face but he didn't want to explain what happened, not to his parents and definitely not to Natsuya. He made his way to his bedroom, dropping his school bag on the floor and crawling into his bed.

_This is getting ridiculous, you need to get this under control. Yeah Natsuya hates you, get over yourself. You're just going to have to live with it. there's nothing you can do about it._

"Shut up," Ikuya muttered to himself, a strange habit of his. Since Natsuya had told him he wanted to make new friends, Ikuya had started talking to himself. He didn't really have any friends so instead, he talked to himself.

_I hate this. i hate arguing with myself, I hate constantly being anxious about things, I hate being alone....._

As Ikuya thought this, tears began running down his face again, dropping off his face and being absorbed by his pillow.

"Ikuya?" His mothers voice came from outside Ikuya's bedroom door.

"Y-yeah?" Ikuya asked in reply, his voice cracking slightly.

"Are you alright?" The question caught Ikuya slightly off guard. Was he okay?

_No, I'm not okay but I can't tell her that. How would I even begin to explain that?_

"Yeah. I'm fine..." Ikuya replied, hoping she wouldn't ask any more questions

"Are you sure? You didn't look too good when you came in before."

"I'm fine." Ikuya answered a little harsher than he had intended. He heard footsteps going down the hall away from his bedroom and he relaxed slightly.

Thoughts still rushed rapidly through Ikuya's head as he lay there. He hadn't eaten since dinner and his stomach growled loudly however, he couldn't bring himself to leave his room in case he had to face his parents or Natsuya.

 _You need to eat_ , the reasonable part of Ikuya's brain argued.

_Well I am still eating. Besides if you leave this room, everyone will bug you trying to find out what's wrong so surely it's better to just stay here and eat later._

This debate carried on in Ikuya's head until there was another knock on his door. This time it was his father who spoke

"Ikuya, we're not sure what's wrong but you at least need to eat."

"No thank you." Ikuya mumbled quietly, his face still half buried in his pillow

"Ikuya, you know you can talk to us, right?" His father asked, his voice sounding concerned.

"I know." Ikuya replied

"Can I come in?" His father asked. Ikuya fell silent, not answering until his father called his name once more.

"Yeah I guess." Ikuya muttered, turning to face the wall as his father entered the room. His father made his way over to where Ikuya lay on his bed, placing a gentle hand on Ikuya's shoulder.

"Please talk to me Ikuya. it doesn't matter how many times you say you're fine, we know you're not. Tell me what's wrong."

Ikuya was starting to get sick of this. He was sick of everyone asking what's wrong.

"It's nothing. I'm just tired. Couldn't sleep last night." It wasn't a lie. he hadn't been able to sleep last night. He's spent the night staring blankly at the wall whilst he tried not to panic.

"Try to get some sleep then. And if you're hungry later on, just go and get something to eat, okay?" His father asked. Ikuya nodded as best he could from his position led down and his father ruffled his hair up before leaving his room, flicking the light off and saying a quick goodnight before he gently closed the door.

As soon as his father left the room, Ikuya let out a shaky breath that he had no idea he had been holding. He yawned, remembering how tired he was as he closed his eyes, quickly falling into a restless sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

"Ah, basketball training is so tiring. How is the swimming club?" Kisumi asked as he and Haru ate.

"Normal," Haru replied, his voice emotionless as usual

"That's all you ever say, Haru." Kisumi looked around, spotting Ikuya who was reading a poster on the wall

"Kirishima..." Kisumi started. Ikuya turned around

"What?" Ikuya asked almost coldly.

"Do you want to eat with us too?" Kisumi asked enthusiastically

_They don't like you, they're just trying to be nice. You'll just annoy them. they don't want you here...._

Ikuya's thoughts began to run wild again however, before they could take over completely, he replied with

"Not really."

Ikuya began walking away, glancing back at Haru and stopping for a second.

"What?" Haru asked, noticing Ikuya staring

"Nothing." Ikuya mumbled, looking down to avoid eye contact with Haru and Kisumi who were both watching him expectantly.

"Let's eat together. i want to talk with you too Kirishima." Kisumi said, smiling widely

_I don't see why you'd want to talk to me...I'm just the quiet kid who sits at the front of class and has no friends and panics about small irrelevant things._

"Then I guess have no choice." Ikuya replied, trying to ignore the wave of panic that washed over him. Still avoiding eye contact, Ikuya pulled a chair over and sat down.

"Ah! Why are you sitting there?" Asahi asked when he saw Ikuya.

_Damn, of course Asahi would be here.....You should just leave before you annoy him even more.....You're obviously not wanted here...They don't like you...._

Ikuya could no longer hear what Asahi was saying. He was focused on attempting to keep his breathing at a regular pace as his heart started hammering in his chest.

_No, calm down. You're being stupid, what is there to panic about?_

"Hey, are you even listening?" Asahi was waving a hand in front of Ikuya's face.

"Yeah.." Ikuya said distractedly, earning himself a few confused looks as he stood up before stuttering out a quiet "I....I need to go..."

Ikuya ran out of the room after that, ignoring Kisumi who called his name and trying to ignore the many judging looks he got.

"Ikuya?" Makoto asked as he saw the smaller boy run past him. Ikuya ignored him and carried on running.

Makoto arrived at the door to Haru's classroom looking concerned. He approached the table where Haru, Asahi, Kisumi and presumably Ikuya were sat.

"What's up with Ikuya?" Makoto asked.

"We're not sure. He ran off for some reason saying he had to go but none of us know why." Kisumi sounded concerned as he explained to Makoto.

"Did you see him? Where did he go?" Asahi asked standing up.

"He ran past me just then but I'm not sure where he went." Makoto replied

"I wonder what's wrong with him?" Kisumi thought out loud

Ikuya somehow ended up on the school roof. There were a few people sat up there but it was quiet. Ikuya's breathing was still slightly heavier than usual and his nails were still dug deep into his arm which was now covered in red scratches however, he had mostly calmed down now as there weren't people paying attention to him. He sat down, relaxing slightly at the light breeze.

_Damn, i don't want to go back to class. I don't want to face them. I'll have to anyway. I'll just say I wasn't feeling too good. Yeah, they'll believe that._

"Hey is the class 1 boy's helper here today?" The teacher asked standing at the front of the room.

"Isn't it Haru today?" Kisumi asked as the teacher checked the board where Haru's name was written.

As he carried a box downstairs, Haru began thinking, what happened with Ikuya before? He seemed fine until Asahi began asking him questions so what happened?

Haru was so lost in thought that he almost dropped some of the things he was carrying.

"That was dangerous," A voice said behind Haru. He turned around slightly to see Natsuya holding a few of the things he almost dropped. Haru looked at him confused for a moment before Natsuya began walking alongside Haru.

"How are you finding the club?" Natsuya asked Haru as they were walking down the hallway.

"Normal," Haru answered simply

"That's good. If you said you wanted to quit already I'd be in trouble," Natsuya hesitated slightly before asking "Ikuya....didn't say anything about wanting to quit did he?"

Haru glanced at Natsuya for a second, wondering why he didn't ask Ikuya himself but he answered anyway with a simple

"He didn't,"

Haru thought for a moment before adding

"But you should ask him that yourself,"

"You should fix your polite speech. You're going to run into problems in the future like that," Natsuya advised. Haru looked away, looking out the window as they walked, knowing that if he was to turn around, Natsuya would be looking at him.

"Why don't you get along with Ikuya?" Haru asked. He wasn't sure where the question came from or why he thought to say it out loud but he did anyway, earning a small hum of thought.

"Probably because I pushed him away," Haru looked at him confusion clear on his face."That's why Ikuya's hated me for two years," Natsuya finished. Haru looked down, deep in thought.

"I don't think that's the case," Haru said

"Really?" Natsuya asked with a small, almost non existent smile. Haru nodded looking away again.

"You should talk to him," Haru stated, thinking back to what happened with Ikuya before. Natsuya made a confused noise

"He's ignore me even if I tried." he smiled sadly

"Something happened before. I'm not sure what but he ran out of the room for no reason. He looked a bit like he was going to cry," Haru explained

"He's been like that for the past few days, well since the start of school. He keeps running off and ignoring everyone. I'm not sure what's wrong with him but he won't talk to me. He's even been skipping meals just to try and avoid me," Natsuya said.

"I can ask him what's wrong if you want. But I can't guarantee he'll answer me," Haru suggested, noticing the pain that flashed across Natsuya's face as he said about Ikuya ignoring him.

"Yeah....." Natsuya said, getting lost in his thoughts. "Well anyway," Natsuya handed Haru the things he had been carrying. "I'll see you later,"

Haru nodded, carrying on where he was going whilst Natsuya left to go to his lesson.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: This chapter does involve self harm and kind of suicidal thoughts. Please do not read if this will upset you or anything!!!!!!!!!!

"Hey Ikuya, what's up with that?" Makoto asked as him, Asahi, Haru and Ikuya were stretching.

"What do you mean?" Ikuya asked, pretending not to notice Makoto's concerned gaze.

"There's scratches all down you arm," Makoto said, trying to think of what it could be.

"It's nothing," Ikuya said, trying to hide his arm from Makoto's concerned gaze.

"Are you sure?" Makoto asked

"I'm fine," Ikuya replied, almost coldly.

_Damn, if you're not careful they're going to find out, then they'l all hate you even more. They'll all laugh at you because you're so pathetic. At least there aren't any actual cuts on my arm, how would I even begin to explain that._

Makoto left it at that, getting the message that Ikuya wasn't going to tell him, he walked over to Haru

"Hey Haru, what's up with Ikuya?" Makoto asked quietly

"Like I know," Haru replied simply.

"Hey, first years," Natsuya said in greeting as he and Nao made their way over to the four boys.

"Hello senpai," Makoto replied with one of his usual smiles. Asahi and Haru both greeted Natsuya as well however, Ikuya stayed deathly silent.

"Ikuya, greetings," Natsuya turned to face his brother, slightly confused. Ikuya usually ignored him yeah but he would usually at least say hello, Ikuya was once again silent for a moment before muttering a quiet "Hello." As he looked away from Natsuya.

Ikuya briefly heard Natsuya and Asahi talking however, he didn't focus on what was being said. Instead he dug his nails into his palms, still shaken up from the panic attack he'd had before.

The rest of practice went by quickly which was a relief to Ikuya. He was still worrying over whether or not Makoto had figured out what the scratches on his arm were and it was beginning to make him exhausted.

He eventually got home, heading straight to his room and locking the door behind him.

_You're such a failure, you're pathetic. Makoto was probably worried about you and you lied to him, no wonder no one likes you....it would be better if you weren't here....maybe you should just kill yourself......_

With that last thought, Ikuya headed over to his desk, grabbing a small box off it and opening it, revealing several blades inside. He picked one up and headed towards the bathroom, grabbing a towel on the way. He turned the shower on before undressing and entering the shower. he tilted his head back, looking up into the stream of water and letting out a loud sigh before he grabbed his blade once more, sitting down before raising the blade the blade up to his thigh where the skin was already scarred and covered in raised cuts. He dragged the blade across his skin, watching the blood pool out of the cut as it began dripping down his leg, mixing with the water to create intricate designs and patterns. He watched, loving how the red blood contrasted with the white of the shower floor. He repeated this action, raising the blade up and slicing across his thigh again and again until he had an uncountable number of cuts along his right thigh. They stung as the water hit them but at that moment, he couldn't bring himself to care as he stared blankly at the wall.

_You deserve this....it's all your fault.....If you weren't here everyone would be happier.....You should just die.....No one likes y..._

"Ikuya?" Natsuya knocked on the door, interrupting Ikuya's thoughts.

It took Ikuya a while to find his voice as he called out a shaky

"Yeah?"

"Are you okay? You've been in the shower for over a hour. Tea's ready when you're done as well."

"I'm fine," Ikuya replied, his voice returning to it's cold tone. He heard footsteps walking away and let out a sigh of relief, turning the shower off and stepping out. he dried himself off before digging around in the cupboard for some bandages. His leg was still bleeding, small drips of blood falling slowly down to the tiled floor. He got to work wrapping the bandages tightly around his leg, slowing the blood that flowed out of the cuts.

Ikuya let out yet another sigh as he finished wrapping the bandage. He got dressed again before reluctantly going into the dining room. His parents were both stood talking and Natsuya was sat down at the table. Ikuya silently sat down next to Natsuya, his thoughts already running wild as his parents both sat down as well. They all began eating before the silence as interrupted.

"So how was school today?" Their mother asked

"It was the same as any other day I guess," Natsuya answered, Ikuya simply looked away and shrugged his shoulders, hoping that his parents wouldn't ask what was wrong. He could feel the concerned gazes of his parents however, they didn't say anything as the room fell silent once more.

_They all hate you, they don't want you here. You're a mistake. A terrible, horrible, annoying mistake....._

"May I be excused?" Ikuya asked quietly, not trusting his voice to not crack.

"Yes of course. Are you feeling okay?" His mother asked, her eyes filled with concern.

"I'm fine. I have homework to do." Ikuya lied. He stood up, wincing at the stinging in his thighs and went over to the sink, washing his plate and placing it on the drying rack before heading to his room, glad to be away from all the worried looks from his family. He lay down on his bed, staring blankly up at the ceiling as he thought about everything he hated about himself and about what he would do differently if he could.

_Well being born would be the first thing I'd do differently. Then you wouldn't even be here...._

A smile made it's way onto Ikuya's face with that thought as he led staring blankly at the ceiling as he tried to clear his thoughts.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Yo, I'm back with a new chapter finally, sorry for not updating in a while, I kind of stopped writing this altogether at the end of October ish but now I'm back writing it and this chapter has just been sat, unfinished on my laptop for over months....Whoops, oh well, it's a fairly long chapter so hopefully that makes up for it? Anyway, enjoy another chapter of Ikuya suffering. Also I kind of based the teacher in this off my history teacher at school, she's awesome so yeah, anyway on with the chapter.

 

 

When Ikuya next checked the time, it was around two in the morning. He realised that he must of fallen asleep at some point and his bedroom light had been turned of, presumably by his parents.

He stood up to go to the toilet however, his vision began swimming, causing him to lean against the wall to steady himself.

His vision soon went back to normal however, his head was pounding inside his skull. After he had been to the toilet, Ikuya headed to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. He had to stop in the doorway again as his vision blurred again. It was when he started to see black spots obstructing his vision that he began to panic.

"Ikuya?" Someone behind him asked. Ikuya spun around as quickly as he could, losing his balance as his vision went completely black.

"Ikuya!" Natsuya quickly reached out to catch his brother.

"Natsuya? What's wrong?" His father was there now, rubbing sleep out of his eyes.

"I don't know. Ikuya just collapsed or something." Natsuya replied, panicked

"Natsuya, calm down. I'm sure he's just tired." His father said in an attempt to calm his oldest son down however, the panic in his voice didn't go unnoticed

"Ikuya!" Natsuya attempted to wake him up.

"Natsuya, I'm sure he's fine, smiling slightly at how concerned Natsuya sounded. "I'm sure he'll be fine in the morning." His father said, going over and scooping Ikuya up in his arms, carrying him to his bedroom with a concerned Natsuya following him.

"He'll be fine." His father said, ruffling Natsuya's already messy hair after he placed Ikuya in his bed.

"Okay then...." Natsuya said reluctantly as his father led him out of Ikuya's room.

Natsuya couldn't get back to sleep after that. He was worried about Ikuya, after all, he had just collapsed in front of him for no apparent reason

"Maybe there's a reason he collapsed, after all, he always looks so pale and recently he's looked like he's not been sleeping properly." Natsuya muttered to himself.

"I need to talk to him about it..." Natsuya muttered as his eyes drifted closed against his will.

When Ikuya woke up the next morning, he could feel a strong pounding in his skull as he attempted to focus his vision.

_I don't remember falling asleep last night....._

Ikuya stood up, his headache washing over him like a wave. He stood for a moment, trying to keep his balance as his head spun. After a while, the dizziness faded away and the throbbing in his head getting worse. He forced himself to start getting ready for school, hissing in pain at the stinging cuts all over his thigh.

_Well today is going to be fun, isn't it?_

"Ikuya?" Natsuya's voice came through the door. Ikuya turned quickly to face the door, looking at the door like a deer trapped in the headlights of an oncoming car.

"Y..yeah?" Ikuya tried his best not to let his voice crack

"Are you feeling okay?" Natsuya asked, his concern clear in his voice.

"I'm fine." Ikuya replied simply

"Are you sure? If you're not feeling well, you can stay home you know?"

"I told you I'm I'm fine." Ikuya said, a little too harshly

"Okay..." Natsuya began walking away and Ikuya almost began to feel bad however, he was distracted once again by his thoughts running wild

_....You shouldn't feel bad, Natsuya left you remember? He doesn't care about you......_

"Great, I'm not even at school yet and I already feel like hell." Ikuya muttered to himself as he finished getting dressed before reluctantly heading out of his room to get breakfast and hopefully find some paracetamol to reduce the pounding in his skull.

"Good morning Ikuya." His mother smiled at him cheerfully as he entered the kitchen. Ikuya mumbled a quiet

"Good morning."

Ikuya quickly had some breakfast and found some paracetamol before leaving the house as soon as possible

The walk to school was uneventful, as was the first few lessons at school however, by the time fourth lesson came around, Ikuya was tired and fed up. His thighs had started burning and his mind had started wandering again. He didn't even realise until the teacher called his name, asking a question about whatever they had been explaining.

"Uhh...I'm not sure...." Ikuya mumbled, praying that his teacher would simply move on to someone else however, luck didn't seem to be on his side today as the teacher then said

"Just have a go, it's okay if it's wrong."

_Wow, that has filled me with confidence.._.Ikuya thought as he stared blankly at the board. He knew he had to at least try and answer but he had no idea what the question was about. His mind had now gone completely blank and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't think of anything that could even be considered an answer. He could feel his heart rate speeding up and could hear it pulsing in his ears as he looked around in panic

_No one will help you.....They'll all just think you're going insane.....They're all going to laugh at you....._

"Kirishima-kun? Are you alright?" Their teacher asked, breaking Ikuya out of his thoughts.

Ikuya tried to take in a deep breath to answer the question however, his breath got caught in his throat, making it feel as if he would cry at any moment.

_I can't do this...I need to get out of here or something, please I don't want to be in this room anymore...._

Ikuya's thoughts started running wild again and he barely even heard the teacher setting everyone some work to do.

The next thing he knew, his teacher was in front of him, gesturing for him to follow him out of the room. Ikuya stood up shakily, his hands and feet both filed with pins and needles as he followed his teacher out of the room.

"Kirishima-kun, what's going on? Are you feeling sick or something?"

Ikuya stopped to try and think for a second, how did he answer that? Did he just say he felt sick? No, then they might call his parents. Does he tell the truth? No then they might try to get Natsuya or someone to help. He was at a loss of what to say, luckily, his teacher gave him a sympathetic smile

"Look, you're obviously not feeling well or upset or something, go to the toilets or something and see if you feel better, if not, we can call your parents at lunch." His teacher explained

Ikuya nodded and attempted to say thank you however, it came out extremely quiet and stuttered. His teacher left to go back to teaching and Ikuya walked quickly down the hall to the toilets, not wanting to run into anyone who might question why he was out of lesson.

Around 20 minutes later, Ikuya had managed to calm himself down however, as he made his way back to his class room, his hand were still shaking a bit and his heart rate was still slightly faster than usual but he wasn't panicking now and he didn't feel like he was going to panic either and so, he re entered the class room and took his seat once more.

He received a concerned look of his teacher but other than that, the rest of the lesson continued as normal and soon enough the bell signalling the start of lunch rung. Ikuya headed over to where Haru, Kisumi and Asahi were already sat and sat down.

The four of them all sat eating, Asahi constantly talking and Kisumi joining in the majority of the time. Ikuya was glad however, Asahi's constant talking meant that no one had the time to ask him about what had happened before. Or at least that's what he thought until Asahi turned the topic of the conversation to the lesson they'd just had.

"Oh yeah, Ikuya, what happened just then, when you wee asked a question?" Asahi's loud voice asked

_Damn, how do I answer, if I tell them I felt sick, would they know I'm lying? Probably._

"It was nothing, I just felt sick I guess." Ikuya said uncertainly. He could feel Haru's eyes burning into the side of his head and so, he purposely avoided eye contact with him in case Haru saw through his lie

 

The bell for the end of lunch rung soon enough and everyone went back to their lessons.

Last lesson went by quickly and before Ikuya knew it, he was following Haru, Asahi and Makoto down to the pool. It was at this moment that Ikuya remembered what he had done last night which filled him with a sense of dread at the thought of getting into a pool full of chlorine.

_Well this is going to be fun isn't it....?_

 


	5. Chapter 5

"Alright, next we're going to do five sets of 50 m free." Nao called out to the four first years who were stood in a line behind the starting block.

"Asahi, can you do it?" Nao continued, directing his attention towards the red headed boy.

"Yes!" Asahi replied before Nao continued explaining

"I'm going to time you now, okay? Let's start with Haruka."

The sharp sound of the whistle jolted Ikuya out of his thoughts, causing him to physically flinch at it's sound. Makoto must have noticed Ikuya's reaction as he then asked

"Ikuya, are you alright?" Makoto's kind voice asked. Nao glanced over at the first years who were still stood next to the pool.

"I'm fine." Ikuya said with a weak smile. Inside however, he was filled with dread at the thought of getting into the pool.

"Okay, if you're sure..." Makoto replied uncertainly.

Haru was now swimming back as Ikuya drifted in his thoughts once more.

"Next, Asahi!" Nao called out

"Yes!" Asahi replied, pulling his goggles down over his eyes as he stepped up to the starting block. Ikuya stared at him for a moment, deep in thought.

Asahi and Makoto both swam before it was Ikuya's turn.

_Well this is going to be fun, isn't it_

Ikuya was dreading it. He knew that he went a bit overboard yesterday and now his thighs were stinging like hell.

Nao blew the whistle again, and Ikuya dived in and began swimming, trying to ignore the burning feeling of chlorine getting into the many cuts that littered his thighs.

_I'm so stupid, why did I do that, someone's going to notice something's wrong.....Actually, they probably won't, they don't care about you...No one cares about you...._

As his thoughts ran wild again, Ikuya tried to take in a big breath of air to try and calm down however, his mouth filled partly with water, causing his panic to grow even more.

When he reached the end of the pool again, his whole body was shaking and his heart was beating at a rapid pace

"Ikuya, are you alright?" Nao asked, causing Ikuya to jump slightly. He nodded slightly, earning a worried look from Nao who obviously didn't believe him.

"Well if you're not feeling too good just go and sit down for a bit." Nao said to which, Ikuya nodded, pulling himself out of the pool with shaky arms.

_Well done idiot, now you've lied to Nao when he was just trying to help you....you're so stupid, you really do deserve to die..._

"How's it going?" Natsuya asked as he walked over. Ikuya flinched slightly at the sound of Natsuya's voice but he managed to hide it this time, not wanting Makoto to ask him about it again

"Their individual times aren't bad but the problem is their exchanges for the relay." Nao explained

"Hmm." Natsuya said "We're going to do relay training now."

There was a quiet reply of yes as the four boys all avoided eye contact with Natsuya.

"Ready." Nao said before blowing the whistle. Ikuya watched, slightly zoned out as Makoto swam back towards him again. When Makoto reached the end of the pool, he dived in, wincing once more at the chlorine filled water.

He got back to the end of the pool slightly slower than usual, pulling himself tiredly outnof the water whilst Haru and then Asahi swam.

The four boys finished the relay practice, only to be stared at disapprovingly by Natsuya.

"You're slow." Natsuya started "What do you think the reason for that is?"

"Our exchanges?" Makoto asked, looking up slightly

"That's right." Natsuya said

"So then, what is the reason for your exchanges aren't going well? Nao asked the four boys continued avoiding eye contact

"Do you want to swim the relay?" Natsuya asked. At this, all four boys looked away completely

"We should all just do individual events." Haru stated, earning both surprised and shocked faces off the other five people stood with him. "I'm fine just swimming individual free." He continued

"Haru..." Makoto began however he was cut off by Natsuya

"I told you if you quit, then we won't be able to participate in the relay!" Natsuya raised his voice slightly, causing most of the first years to flinch slightly, especially Ikuya who was beginning to have trouble controlling his breathing.

"All of us think it's fine to just do individual events." Haru added

"Well, it's impossible to do the relay with these members to begin with." Ikuya said, trying to act normal so that no one would suspect the wave of panic that was close to rushing over him.

"Don't say that! I don't think that at all." Asahi said, slightly louder than necessary and so, Ikuya backed up slightly, in an attempt to avoid Asahi.

"Then try to co operate with me a little. Asahi, you just swim however you want!" Ikuya wasn't sure what had come over him but once he had started, he couldn't stop. His breathing was speeding up at a rapid pace and all he wanted was to just leave.

"Shut up!" Asahi's voice broke him out of his thoughts once more before Natsuya's voice cut the two of them off

"Enough. The reason your exchanges aren't going well is because you all are just thinking about yourselves." Natsuya's voice was loud, too loud. Ikuya's panic was amplified by the loud voice. All four of the boys looked away

"Individual events and relays are different. Think hard about what that means. All of you, cool your heads." Natsuya said as the four boys walked off to go and get changed.

"Wait, Ikuya!" Natsuya called out just before he went into the changing rooms. Ikuya stopped dead, not even turning around to look at Natsuya in case his brother saw the panic filling his eyes.

"Ikuya, what's going on? You've not been yourself recently, especially today. Nao said you looked sick before, is everything alright?" Natsuya asked, his voice filled with concern

"It's nothing, I'm fine." Ikuya replied simply before attempting to enter the changing rooms once more. He was stopped however by Natsuya who put his arm in front of him, preventing him from leaving.

"Ikuya, I know that's not true, I'm not blind, I know that there's something going on with you. Please just tell me what's wrong so I can try to help you." Natsuya pleaded. It was driving him insane knowing that Ikuya was going through something alone however, if he didn't know what the problem was, how could he help.

"I said it's nothing! Please...Just leave me alone....I'm fine" Ikuya replied, his voice harsh. Natsuya's arm dropped and Ikuya turned away from his brother, preventing him from seeing the tears that were building in his eyes as he ran off to the now empty changing rooms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Awww, poor little Ikuya, how mean I am to make him suffer like this. Anyway, the next chapter is going to be exciting. This fanfic originally started as a one shot and then I decided to add more before the chapter i originally wrote which is the next chapter the next chapter. So yeah, the next chapter could of ended up as a one shot if I didn't enjoy making Ikuya suffer so much. I promise though it will have a happy ending, I'm just not sure when, but it will be happy and fluffy and yes I kind of ship Ikuya and Natsuya don't judge anyway, I'll shut up now, byyyyeee


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back with a new chapter! Finally! I was planning to update a lot more over the summer holidays but I've been a lot busier than I expected, most my time has been taken up by either skating, art homework or work so I've not had an awful lot of time to write anything. Even now I should really be finishing my art homework but I received a comment on this story the other day which encouraged me to try and finish this chapter, anyway, this is the chapter that started this whole story as it was just going to be a one shot but then I loved the idea too much, I have cut this chapter in half though as I wanted to have the rest as a separate chapter so I can develop it more as I feel like it needs more development. Anyway that is all from me so enjoy the chapter and byyyyeeee

Later on that night, Natsuya was sat at the table in their kitchen, when Ikuya walked into the room

"Why don't you just change the training schedule?" Ikuya asked, his voice emotionless as he poured himself a drink.

"What do you mean?" Natsuya asked, turning around slightly to look at his younger brother.

"Even if we don't do exchange training, if we just do our best individually then the relay...." Ikuya was cut off.

"It's because you say stuff like that that it isn't going well," Natsuya stated.

"Are you saying this is all my fault? The other guys are the same," Ikuya asked in disbelief

"Stop playing innocent and blaming it on your friends. The relay is about the team." Natsuya answered

"Team? Friends? You're one to talk big brother. You're the one who said you wanted to expand your world and make new friends. And left me all alone first big brother!" Ikuya ran from the room

"Ikuya!" Natsuya tried to gain his attention, glancing back down at his work when Ikuya ignored him and carried on running.

Ikuya stopped in the hallway, resting his head against the wall as he let tears fall freely from his eyes. He looked around before deciding to go for a walk, grabbing his shoes and leaving the house before Natsuya could question him.

Hearing the front door close, Natsuya called out

"Ikuya?" He received no reply and so, thinking he imagined it, he turned back to his work.

Ikuya began running as soon as he was outside, not slowing down until he was a few blocks from his house. he didn't know where he was going however, he wanted to be anywhere apart from his house at this moment in time and so, h continued walking, ignoring everyone he passed by.

_He's probably glad you're gone,_

Ikuya thought to himself as he walked

_He's probably been waiting for you to leave all this time. He won't be worried if anything he'll be happy. Happy that you're gone, happy that you'll never bother him again, happy that you could quite possibly be dead._

"Shut up," Ikuya muttered to himself, hoping to stop his thoughts from running wild. It was slightly cold out and Ikuya shivered, walking slightly faster in an attempt to warm up.

Ikuya eventually lost track of time once his legs became tired.. he had arrived at a small park that as far as he was aware, was nowhere near his house. He found a bench to sit on that was partially surrounded by trees. From where he sat, he had a nice view of the sun that had begun setting. It burned bright oranges and reds as it slowly sunk lower, the world around him growing darker.

_You know what happens to people who go out alone at night, murdered, raped, kidnapped, mugged...._

Ikuya's brain was working at a rapid pace, coming up with worst case scenarios and yet he couldn't bring himself to go home. It was dark and cold but he didn't care. He didn't want to go home. He didn't want to talk to Natsuya. He wanted to stay right here, even if it meant dealing with the many thoughts that rushed through his head.

Natsuya finished his work around an hour later. he packed up all of his things and decided to check on Ikuya. Natsuya hadn't seen him since he left the room earlier and he was wondering why his younger brother had suddenly gone silent. He knocked on Ikuya's door, receiving no answer.

"Ikuya?" He called, once again receiving no answer. He opened the door slightly, noticing that the lights were off.

Maybe he's gone to sleep, Natsuya thought to himself as he made his way towards Ikuya's bed. Looking closely, he noticed that ikuya was not there and his bed was completely empty. Confused, Natsuya made his way through the house looking for his younger brother.

After searching the whole house and finding nothing, Natsuya decided to try ringing Ikuya's phone. he dialed the number and listened to the phone ringing. Once, Twice, Three times. There was no answer.

"He must have gone out and left his phone here. Damn." Natsuya muttered before deciding to go and search for his brother. Something about the situation just didn't sit right with him and so, he pulled his shoes on, heading out the front door as he began to search for Ikuya.

Ikuya had lost track of time soon enough. He still didn't feel like going home however, he was tired. A loud yawn escaped his mouth as his eyes began to close against his will.

"No, I can't fall asleep here...." Ikuya muttered to himself, standing up again to go and walk around for a bit.

Natsuya had been out for almost an hour now looking for Ikuya. He had been round to all the neighbor's houses asking if they had seen him to no avail. No one had seen Ikuya and Natsuya was starting to panic even more

"Where could he of got to then? Why did he go out in the first place?" Natsuya murmured to himself.

After around another half hour, Natsuya decided that he wasn't going to be able to find Ikuya. He tried ringing him once more, again receiving no answer before deciding to call the police. After dialing the number, he waited, listening to the rings before a voice asked which service he needed. He answered with police before the call was passed on and a kind sounding woman asked what was wrong.

"It's my brother. He left the house around an hour and a half ago without telling me and I'm not sure where he's gone." Natsuya explained hurriedly, trying to keep most of the panic out of his voice

"Okay, try to stay calm, does he have a phone with him?" The woman's voice stayed calm, slightly calming Natsuya when she spoke

"Yeah I think so," Natsuya answered

"Have you tried ringing him?" Her voice was still calm, making Natsuya wonder if he was the only person freaking out in this situation

"Yeah, but he didn't answer me," Natsuya replied

"Okay, that's alright, maybe he didn't hear his phone go off. Could you please give us a description of what he looks like and a name?"

Natsuya answered as best he could and the woman told him that they would start looking for Ikuya immediately, making Natsuya relax slightly. His next thought was to call their parents and explain the situation tot hem and so, he dialed their number, listening to the rings anxiously as he tried to think of how to tell them

"Natsuya? What's wrong? We're on our way home now."His mother answered, sounding slightly confused

"Ikuya's gone out somewhere without telling me and I'm not sure where he's gone," Natsuya explained quickly

"When?" His mother asked, her voice laced with concern

"Over an hour ago." Natsuya replied, still worrying about Ikuya "I called the police. They said they'd sent some officers out to look for him."

"Okay...." There was a deep breath on the other end of the phone "Where are you now?"

"I'm a few blocks away from home. I realized he was gone about half an hour ago so I came out to try looking for him." Natsuya replied

"Right, go home, for now, we'll talk about it when we get home and then go out and look for him for a bit, Okay?" His mother asked. Natsuya nodded, even though he knew that she couldn't see it

"Okay," Natsuya finally replied

"See you soon then, try not to worry too much." After that, the phone went dead, silence greeting Natsuya once more. A loud sigh of defeat left him as he began slowly making his way home, still keeping an eye out in case Ikuya was somewhere he had missed before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another note I always forget to mention but feedback is always greatly appreciated, especially if it's to do with spelling, grammar or punctuation as I'm not very good with either of those things to be completely honest, Hopefully there won't be too many mistakes as I have finally gotten round to getting a spelling and grammar checker but there is a chance that I might have missed some things, also feedback about the plot would be appreciated as after this chapter, I do not have the rest of the story pre-written so I'll probably end up adding in random ideas here and there anyway, I think that is all this time so again, byyyeeee


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for not updating in literally forever but I had exams and homework but now I have until September to do anything I want before I start college so I'm gonna start by updating this whoop! Also please never follow Ikuya's example in this chapter because stranger danger and all that, stay safe everyone and try to avoid befriending strangers.

Natsuya returned home defeated and downtrodden. His search for Ikuya had come back empty and he could feel the gnawing of anxiety deep inside his chest, clawing at his ribs, trying to escape. Constant questions of where is he? Why did he run off? Is he okay? raced through Natsuya's head at a rapid rate as he sat down at the table in the kitchen, attempting to calm down the buzzing thoughts in his head.  
He had no idea how long he sat lost in his thoughts however, he was startled by a key in the front door. His mother appeared soon after, engulfing him in a tight hug with red puffy eyes and tear stains down her face. Bringing his shaking arms up to wrap around his mother, he finally let his tears fall, an ugly sob sounding out  
"I'm sorry..." Natsuya mumbled, tears falling rapidly from his own eyes as his mother pulled away from the embrace  
"Natsuya, none of this is your fault, okay. We should've talked to Ikuya as soon as we realised something was wrong, we shouldn't have left it this long." She sniffed, bringing a shaking hand up to wipe the tears off her face  
"I'm going to drive around town for a bit to see if I can spot him, it'll be much faster than walking would be." His father gave the two a weak smile  
"I think we should all go, being alone right now probably isn't the best idea. I don't want anyone to do anything stupid." His mother explained, sadness filling her eyes. Upon hearing everyone's noises of agreement, the three of them headed out to the car, setting off at a slow pace with each of them keeping their eyes peeled so even the smallest sign of Ikuya

 

After another hour of walking, Ikuya once again felt tired, his legs almost collapsing from the strain if walking and running for so long. He had no idea where he was which wasn't helped by the eerie darkness that surrounded him. The panic started once more as Ikuya realised he was truly lost until he could find a map or someone he could trust to ask where he was.

The level of fear Ikuya felt was impossible to compare to anything else as he heard a rough voice behind him shout  
"Hey, kid!"  
The panic consuming his mind was almost instantaneous as he turned as fast as he could to see a man in what he guessed was his early thirties jogging towards him.  
"Please leave me alone, I don't want any trouble, please..." Ikuya practically begged as he came closer. He could run however, his legs felt like they were a minute away from collapsing under him and he assumed he be in less danger of being attacked if he stayed where he was  
"Kid, I'm not going to hurt you I promise. What are you doing out so late?" The stranger asked, not helping to calm Ikuyas racing thoughts much  
"Nothing...Please leave me alone.....I really don't want any trouble...." Ikuya stuttered out through the haze of panic filling his mind  
"I promise I don't want to hurt you or anything, It's just me and my fiancee were walking and saw you, she was worried about a kid your age being out alone this late so I wanted to see why." The man had a calming voice however, it didn't help much to calm Ikuya's racing heart, nothing ever did.  
"Kid, you need to breathe, you're going to pass out if you keep breathing that fast." The man knelt down on one knee in front of Ikuya so that he was looking directly up into Ikuya's eyes. Ikuya still attempted to avoid eye contact, knowing that he'd break down in tears if he saw genuine concern in the stranger's eyes. It had been so long since someone had been genuinely concerned about him and he knew that it could easily bring him to tears.  
"Try to breathe deeply kid, can you try that for me? I'm gonna count, can you try and breathe in for 4 seconds then hold for 5 seconds and breathe out for 6 seconds?"  
Ikuya managed a small nod as he attempted to follow along with the man's counting. It was hard as his breathing stuttered a lot however he managed to follow along roughly. The man took Ikuya's shaking hands in his own warm ones, feeling the coldness and the violent shaking of the small boy's hands as he gave them a reassuring squeeze and told Ikuya how well he was doing  
Slowly with the help of the man's counting, Ikuya's breathing returned to a normal speed and his heart began slowing down slightly. The stranger smiled warmly up at the shaking boy, his eyes showing pure worry and concern as Ikuya's eyes began filling up with tears which began pouring down his face.

"Shhhh, It's okay, I promise you're safe. Are you lost? Do you want us to take you home? Or to a police station?" The stranger questioned, his concern growing  
"No! Don't want to go home...Please don't make me, I'll just stay out a little longer then I'll go back I promise." Ikuya mumbled, not noticing the man's fiancee approaching behind the man who was still kneeling before the shaking boy  
"What's your name?" The woman's gentle voice asked, reminding Ikuya of his own mother  
"...Ikuya..." His voice shook as he spoke but the woman nodded in understanding as she also knelt down before Ikuya  
"I'm Maya and this is Takashi, we'd like to help you but we need to know why you're out here all alone." Maya gestured to her fiancee as she introduced them and then waited patiently as Ikuya took a deep breath before saying  
"I ran away from home a few hours ago after a fight with my brother...I didn't mean to go far but now I'm lost and...I've messed up so badly..." Ikuya was cut off by his own sobs which began soon after he began talking  
"It's okay, you can stay with us for a few hours and we can try to give you some advice about what to do about your argument with your brother but only for a few hours. Then we'll have to take you to the police station and call your parents, they're probably worried sick." Takashi explained, his voice gentle as he reached out a hand to wipe away some of Ikuya's tears  
"I'm sorry.....I'll just go to the police station on my own...I didn't mean to bother you..." Ikuya sniffed  
"No, you've not bothered us, and there's no way we're letting you walk around on your own this late at night, especially when you don't know the area well. I promise, it's no problem, we want to help you." Maya's soft voice explained  
"..O...Okay..." Ikuya's voice was small as he replied  
"Come on, we'll walk to the park and talk for a bit." Takashi stood up, Maya following shortly after as Takashi reached to take Ikuya's hand in his own as the three began walking  
"I promise everything is going to be okay, Ikuya." Maya smiled softly


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, please never follow Ikuya's example in this chapter, never go home with random strangers, even if they seem nice but anyway, this story is gonna take an unexpected turn in the next chapter because I decided I wanted to add more angst whilst I was writing this chapter, but don't worry, it will eventually have a happy ending, I'm just not done making little Ikuya suffer yet

It was nearing midnight as Natsuya and his parents continued driving around in an attempt to find Ikuya. They had asked everyone they had seen and had so far come out with nothing but prayers that he's okay.  
"We need to find him, and we need to find out what's wrong. This has gone on too long already, I can't even begin to imagine how he's feeling..." Natsuya's mother said quietly, her voice shaking with every word  
"Do you think this is my fault..?" Natsuya's voice was weak and rough from crying as he asked this  
"Of course not! Why would you even think that?" His father asked, voice full of disbelief  
"All of this started after I pushed him away! He won't even look at me, surely it has to be my fault!" Natsuya let his tears fall once more  
"Natsuya, I promise this isn't your fault, that might've contributed to it but it's not purely your fault, there's plenty of other things that could be at fault. Besides, we didn't do a very good job at making sure he was alright so it's our fault as well." His mother turned to him, taking his cold hand in her own warm one, gripping it tightly as a form of reassurance  
"We're going to find him and we're going to fix this, don't worry." His father's calming voice reassured as the silence returned

  
The park that Maya and Takashi led him to was quiet, which was not all that surprising considering it must've been nearing midnight however, Ikuya appreciated the quiet and the cool breeze which seemed to blow away all of his anxiety and sadness. He took a deep breath, releasing it after with a long sigh.  
"Could you tell us what the argument with your brother was about? Then we can try and help you." Maya's soft voice asked the question Ikuya had been dreading  
"I don't even know where to begin in all honesty..." Ikuya's voice was quiet as he spoke, pausing to try and decide how to explain  
"Me and my brother were really close when we were younger but when he started high school, he pushed me away to make new friends. I...have always been bad at making friends so I spent most of my time alone and it led to me being unable to cope when there are too many people and now I panic pretty much every day at school. My brother was complaining about our team for the relay on the school's swim team and I kind of lost it and shouted at him for leaving me alone, then I kind of left and didn't tell him and I've ended up here." Ikuya explained, a sad expression painting his face.  
"Have you told anyone about this panicking? Like another family member or a friend?" Takashi asked, leading the other two over to a bench to sit down. He gently placed a hand on Ikuya's knee as the boy responded  
"No, you're the first people I've told. I don't want to worry people and besides, it's not like they care. I'm fine, I can deal with it on my own."  
Takashi and Maya exchanged concerned glances that went unnoticed by Ikuya  
"Ikuya, I know it's hard to believe and I know your mind must be telling you the opposite of what I'm about to say but I promise you, people do care, I'm sure your family and friends do care but just aren't good at showing it. Many people aren't good at showing how much they love and appreciate people until they're gone but I promise, they do care. Even your brother. Its understandable that you're hurt by your brother wanting to make new friends but you also need to accept that sometimes it happens, people leave with no explanation and often there's nothing you can do about it but it doesn't mean they don't care about you, sometimes it just means they needed to move on in order to help themselves." Maya finished, her hand stroking gently through Ikuya's hair.  
Ikiya nodded gently, staying silent for a moment to let Maya's words sink in.  
"I don't want him to be my best friend or anything...I just want him to remember I exist...He only seems to talk to me when he has to or when I've messed something up...I just want to be happy and not worry constantly...is that so much to ask...?" Ikuya's eyes filled with tears again  
"Ikuya...I think the only way to fix this is if you talk to him...Come on, you're exhausted, we'll take you to the police station and have them call your parents." Takashi's soothing voice helped to calm the tears that were once again falling down Ikuya's face  
"No!... Please, I don't want to go home...You can leave me here, I'll go home later...." Ikuya's eyes were filled with desperation as he glanced between the concerned looks covering both Maya and Takashi's faces  
"Ikuya...Okay, you can stay with us for one night and then we are taking you to the police station and are taking you home, you're parents are going to be worried sick...." Takashi offered, moving to stand up, offering a hand for Ikuya to take.  
"O...okay...If you're sure it's alright..?" Ikuya asked, taking Takashi's hand uncertainly. Maya gave him a reassuring smile before saying  
"We'd much rather you stay with us and be safe than staying out here where anything could happen to you."  
The three began to walk, Ikuya keeping his head down as Maya and Takashi occasionally asked him questions or tried to start a conversation. They reached a small block of flats where Maya led the way up to the second floor, taking out a key and unlocking the door, stepping out the way to let Takashi and Ikuya in first.  
"Come on, we have a spare room, this way," Takashi explained, leading Ikuya into the room.  
"Are you hungry Ikuya?" Maya called from what Ikuya presumed was the kitchen  
"..Not really, but thank you for the offer..." Ikuya replied.  
"If you change your mind, there's plenty of food in the kitchen, help yourself to whatever." Takashi smiled before continuing "If you need us, we're just in the room across the hall, okay?"  
Ikuya nodded in response as Takashi left the room. He sat staring at the wall for a few minutes before deciding to try and get some sleep.

  
After around 2 hours of driving around, Natsuya's father turned to him and his mother with a sad smile  
"I don't think we're going to find him, its best if we all go home." He explained  
"No! We have to find him! I have to find him! This is my fault, I need to fix it! Please...I really need to fix it..." Natsuya's voice was desperate  
"Natsuya, I'm sorry but we're just going to have to hope and let the police do their thing." His mother said tiredly, her voice rough from crying. Natsuya reluctantly agreed as his father turned the car around, beginning the drive home which held a significantly heavier atmosphere. There was no hope, their only chance of finding him was the police, and Natsuya had never been more terrified and regretful in his life...

 

Sleep didn't come easily for Ikuya that night. His head was filled with thoughts. Thoughts about his family, his own anxiety, Maya and Takashi's advice and so much more. It was around 3 in the morning that he began realising how worried people might be about him, causing his thoughts to begin spiraling out of control at a rapid pace. It took him another hour to calm himself down in order to make a decision on what to do. He quietly slipped on his shoes and made his way out of the spare room, hunting for a pen and a piece of paper. Once he found some paper and a pen, he began writing as fast as he could, scared of waking up Takashi or Maya

_**To Takashi and Maya,** _  
_**Thank you for your help and for letting me stay here, by the time yo read this, I should be back at home, I'm going to walk home. I'm sorry for worrying you and my parents, family and friends but I'm going to try and fix it.** _  
_**Once again, thank you for everything, your advice really made me think,** _  
_**Ikuya.** _

He left the note on the table so that it was clearly visible and headed to the front door, turning the key and slipping out of the door quietly.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Yo this is a really long chapter but I didn't want to split it into two because its kind of the same sort of section of the story so I present to you a long chapter. Just wait until the next chapter because that's where the true angst will really begin...hehehehe

The house was deathly silent that night as Natsuya lay in bed awake. He knew his parent's most likely couldn't sleep, as well as the terrible thoughts of what could have happened to Ikuya, filled everyone's minds.

"I need to find out what's wrong...Before he ends up hurt or worse...I couldn't live with myself if someone injured him..." Natsuya's mindless mumbling filled the deathly silence that night time brought with it. Hours passed and Natsuya lost track of the time, eventually collapsing into a restless sleep.

 

 

Ikuya walked for around an hour or so, praying for a signpost to tell him where he was. The cold night air raised goosebumps on his arms and made him begin to regret his decision to leave Takashi and Maya's house however, he attempted to clear his mind of those thoughts and continued walking. It was all becoming too much for him and he could feel the panic rising inside him as tears threatened to spill over.

_I have no right to cry, People have it worse than me, besides, I made people worry...This is what I deserve....._

He continued walking further down the road he had begun walking down before hearing a sinister chuckling behind him

"Well well well, what do we have here then?" A mocking voice asked before continuing to chuckle.

Ikuya spun around quickly, a feeling of dread settling deep inside him as he spotted a tall, muscled man stood behind him who was grinning, his eyes full of malice.

"What's a young kid doing out here all on his own, hm?" He asked, his voice dripping with hidden anger

"N...Nothing...Please...I'm going to go...Please leave me alone..." Ikuya stuttered out, backing away with his hands raised in front of him defensively

"Aw, how cute, You're nervous...It's okay I don't want any trouble, just give me any money or valuables you have," The man was smiling sadistically as he said this and it made Ikuya feel sick

This is what you deserve for worrying everyone and for leaving Takashi and Maya...

"I...I don't have anything...I swear..Please just leave me alone..." Ikuya stuttered out desperately

"Oh really? I didn't want to have to use violence but, since you ask for it..." The man immediately reached out and pushed Ikuya back harshly, causing him to stumble to the ground. The man then swung his fist hard against the side of Ikuya's jaw, causing a sickening crunching sound

Tears immediately fell from Ikuya's wide eyes as he let out an agonized cry just as the man began searching his clothing for pockets.

"No! Leave me alone!" Ikuya tried to fight the man off, simultaneously trying to ignore the throbbing pain in his jaw

"Shut up you bitch! Stop fighting an this will be so much easier!" As this was said, the man rained down hard punches on Ikuya's chest, making the boy let out choked whimpers which did nothing to stop the violent assault on his chest

Ikuya attempted to curl into a ball, covering his head with his hands as he tried to move away from the punches

"This wouldn't have happened if you just cooperated you stupid bitch!" The man's voice roared out. He landed a couple of hard punches on Ikuya's head despite his arms gripping his head harshly.

"Hey! What's going on here!" Another voice shouted angrily. The man glanced around quickly, noticing someone running towards him. He quickly stumbled up off Ikuya and began running

"Hey! Come back!" The other voice shouted as Ikuya saw a pair of feet come to a stop next to his covered face.

"Hey, kid are you okay? Shit, I'm going to call an ambulance," At this Ikuya let out a choked sound

"No! That's not necessary...I'm fine" Ikuya tried to sound convincing but it didn't work as his voice cracked with every word and each sound he uttered caused a rush of throbbing pain through his skull

"No you're not, you need an ambulance," The person said, their voice leaving no room for arguments. They pulled out their phone, quickly dialing an ambulance and explaining the place they were whilst keeping a close eye on Ikuya who let out occasional groans of pain. The person ended the phone call and came to crouch next to Ikuya, offering a hand out towards him.

"Whereabouts does it hurt?" They asked gently, not wanting to startle the boy who looked awfully young to be out at this time of night

"My head...And ribs...Breathing hurts..." Ikuya let out in between deep breaths, trying to manage the pain as best he could

"Help is on the way, they said they'd be about ten minutes. It's going to be okay....I'm sorry I never asked for your name," Although he already knew there was help on the way, hearing this stranger say it helped to reassure him more

"My name's Ikuya...." Ikuya said quietly, receiving a nod from the stranger

"I'm Yuuto, It's nice to meet you Ikuya, I just wish it could have been in better circumstances." Yuuto gave Ikuya a smile before noticing the boys eyes slipping closed

"Ikuya, no you can't close your eyes. You need to stay awake, you've been hit on the head quite a bit, you'll probably have a concussion,"

Just as Yuuto said this, the sound of sirens a few streets away became audible and it wasn't long before the flashing lights of the ambulance were visible. A couple of paramedics tended to Ikuya whilst one talked to Yuuto, asking what he knew about what had occurred earlier. They let Yuuto ride in the ambulance with them and he waited in the waiting room as doctors and nurses ran in and out of Ikuya's room. He drifted in and out of sleep until the sun began shining brightly in through the window.

 

 

Natsuya awoke the next morning with a strong feeling of dread still surrounding him. As soon as he got up, he checked Ikuya'sbedroom, only to sigh in disappointment at the empty room. He wasn't sure what he had expected but he couldn't help the bitter disappointment, sadness, and anxiety that surrounded him as he got ready for school. Maybe school could distract him for a bit, get his mind off Ikuya for a bit.

Nao walked quickly down the empty hallway, searching for Natsuya. He knew there was something wrong with him and he also knew exactly where to find him. He entered the classroom quietly, seeing Natsuya sat at his desk with his head resting on his arms. Thinking to try and distract Natsuya from whatever was bothering him, he spoke up;

"I'd really like it if the captain would stop playing hooky,"

"Shut up," came Natsuya's immediate reply, a lot quieter than usual

"Why don't you stop pushing him away already? If it's making you feel that upset," Nao approached Natsuya slowly, as if he was scared he would startle him.

"How can you tell I'm upset?" Natsuya asked in a small voice as he looked towards Nao with red puffy eyes that indicated he'd been crying.

"I always know when you're upset," Nao replied with a small smile

"Shut up," Natsuya mumbled once again "Besides it's not that for once," he looked away again as Nao rested a comforting hand on his back

"What's wrong then, I'll try to help any way I can," Nao offered as Natsuya sniffled.

"It's about Ikuya, I'm sure you can guess," Natusya began, gaining a nod from Nao " I...I snapped at him last night and I shouldn't have. He ran away from home and we've not heard anything yet...." Natsuya explained, hiding his tear-stained face in his arm

"Oh Natsuya, I'm sorry." Nao looked sympathetically at Natsuya "Do you want me to come with you to try and find him after school?"

"It's no use. We tried last night and couldn't find anything,"Natsuya mumbled, his voice now muffled by his arm

"You know what, you go home, I'll sort out the swim club tonight and then I'll come over and we can watch some films together, how does that sound?" Nao suggested

"No! I can't leave you to run the swim club on your own, you have enough to do with the first years, but watching films afterward sounds good..." Natsuya managed a small smile as he slowly sat up. Nao reached a hand out to wipe away the tears on Natsuya's face before pulling him into a hug.

"It's gonna be okay, I promise. Ikuya's a smart kid, he'll be okay, I can tell. But I really do think you should talk to him as soon as possible. There's something going on in his head and I think you're the only one he'll talk to about it," Nao said, feeling Natsuya nod his head as best he could in that position

"I'll explain to the others why Ikuya's not here if you want, I can make something up if you want?" Nao offered as Natsuya pulled away from the embrace

"Thanks...And yeah, could you explain to them, but you can tell them the truth, they're his friends, they deserve to know...I'd hate if you went missing and someone lied to me about it..." Natsuya smiled sadly before standing up

"We should probably go, right? We're already fifteen minutes late," He continued as Nao followed him out of the classroom to the pool

 

 

Ikuya was confused as he woke up, not remembering falling asleep and looking around to see a hospital room did nothing to help with his confusion. There was a doctor looking at a clipboard at the other side of the room, occasionally glancing over to Ikuya. When the doctor glanced up and noticed Ikuya awake, he smiled, approaching the bed with the clipboard still in hand.

"Ah, you're awake, that's good," The doctor began "I imagine you're pretty confused about what happened, don't worry, that's just a result of the concussion you've received. You also have some pretty bad bruises on your ribs and two which look like they're fractured slightly but nothing that won't heal on its own. Other than that it's just a bit of bruising and a few cuts and grazes." He paused for a minute to let Ikuya process everything he had just been told. Ikuya nodded slightly, signaling for the doctor to continue talking however he regretted it immediately when he felt pain soaring through his skull

"Now when the ambulance arrived, the person who was with you, Yuuto, only knew your first name, could you tell us your second name please and your birthday. Then we should be able to find your records and contact your parents as soon as possible," The doctor continued, making Ikuya flinch. His parents.....They were going to contact his parents...

"Excuse me, are you alright?"

At the doctor's concerned question, Ikuya snapped out of his daze. He was going to have to tell them anyway, just like he would have to face his parents eventually.

"My last name is Kirishima and my birthday is the 3rd of March," Ikuya replied quietly

"Okay, we'll contact your parents as soon as possible. A couple more things though, we were informed by Yuuto that you had been attacked by someone, because of this the police would like to question you on the suspect if you don't mind?" The doctor scribbled something down on the clipboard as he spoke

"I'm okay with that," Ikuya replied, feeling his tiredness begin to take over

"And lastly, if you're up to seeing visitors, Yuuto has asked to see you but only if you feel well enough." Ikuya simply nodded in reply this time, receiving a smile from the doctor who began walking towards the door, opening it and speaking to someone outside. Almost immediately, Yuuto appeared next to the doctor, looking sleep deprived and as if he had been crying.

"I'll leave you two alone. If you require assistance at all, just press the button next to your bed." The doctor explained quickly before leaving to tend to other patients

"You're okay! I thought it would be a lot more serious, I was so scared." Yuuto sighed in relief, taking a seat next to Ikuya's bed and taking his hand within his own

"They're calling my parents..." Ikuya said in a daze

"Yeah...that's good isn't it..?" Yuuto asked concerned. What if his parents were abusive and he was running away? What if Yuuto had just ruined his one chance of getting away by bringing him here? What if...?

"Yeah, I guess...But..." Ikuya stopped, taking a deep breath and looking up at the ceiling " I ran away from home after a fight with my brother...I just don't know what to say to them..."

"Ikuya....I'm sorry..." Yuuto said, his voice full of sympathy

"No, no It's fine...I'm going to have to see them eventually...Beter now than later, right?" Ikuya tried to laugh about it but the overwhelming anxiety made it hard

"Ikuya, I know we hardly know each other but I'm going to give you my phone number and I want you to text me or call me if you ever need anyone to talk to, I don't want you to have to deal with this alone, I know what it's like so maybe I could help," Yuuto explained, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly

"Yeah, that sounds good...Oh yeah and Yuuto," Ikuya said, his eyes slipping shut slowly

"Yeah?" Yuuto asked, noticing the boy almost asleep

"Thanks, for saving me, and for staying with me, I don't think I could ever repay you....." Ikuya's voice slurred slightly as he slipped into sleep.

"It's no problem Ikuya, I promise" Yuuto knew Ikuya was asleep and couldn't hear him however, he knew Ikuya would never accept it if he said it whilst he was awake. He could tell that Ikuya had been suffering for a while now and he wanted to do anything possible to help the boy. He wrote his phone number on a piece of paper and placed it on the bedside table with his name next to it before leaving the room and heading home. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I struggled a lot with this chapter for some reason but it's done, the next chapter will probably have more angst between Ikuya and Natsuya so whoop

  
When Natsuya returned home with Nao, he expected to return to an empty house as his parents would usually be at work however, he found both his parents sat at the kitchen table, excitement clear in their eyes as they looked up at the two boys who had entered the room.

"What's going on?" Natsuya asked curiously, surely it couldn't be bad news with his parents smiling like they were.

"It's Ikuya, there's good news and bad news," His father began speaking, grasping his mother's hand tightly

"We got a call from the hospital a few miles away, he's been found, but he has a couple of mild injuries, I think they said from an attempted mugging but the police haven't spoken to him yet so they're not entirely sure," His mother continued and his eyes grew to twice their normal size as Nao wrapped a comforting arm around his shoulders

"He's okay....?" Natsuya mumbled to himself, relief flooding through him as his eyes grew wet. He could feel the tears begin falling down his face and roughly wiped them away.

"Natsuya, are you okay?" His mother's ever concerned voice asked gently. Natsuya took a deep breath before answering

"Yeah, I'm fine....I'm just really relieved......I'm so glad he's okay...." He sniffled slightly and took another deep breath "So, when can we go and see him?" He smiled widely, feeling so much calmer than he had all day

"We were going to go just now, we were waiting for you to get home," His father said, standing up from the table, soon followed by his mother.

"Is it alright if I come with you, then we'll watch some films when we get back?" Nao asked

"Of course...In all honesty, I think Ikuya would appreciate seeing you more than me at the moment...." Natsuya's smile turned sad at the thought which Nao noticed, giving Natsuya a quick hug.

"I'm sure that's not true, you just need to explain everything to him, I promise he won't be mad at you forever," Nao said softly

"Yeah...you're right, I'm just worried...." Natsuya replied

"Now come on, you want to go and see him right?" Nao grinned as Natsuya grabbed his hand and pulled him outside towards his parents' car.

 

 

Ikuya woke up confused around mid-afternoon. He had no idea how long he had been sleeping and the confusion flooding his brain made him question where he was before the vivid memories came back, along with the sharp pain in his ribs which flared up anytime he breathed.

There was a knock on the door and Ikuya attempted to tell the person to come in however, his voice was weak and cracked as he was speaking. The other person seemed to get the message though as two intimidating looking police officers entered the room.

"Kirishima Ikuya, isn't it?" The first of the two officers spoke, his voice gruff to match his strong build and piercing gaze. Ikuya nodded, slightly afraid as the two officers moved closer to his bed. He sat up as the officer who had spoken laughed quietly before saying

"It's alright, you're not in trouble or anything. We'd just like to ask you a few questions about the person who attacked you if that's okay? The doctor said you said you were okay with it but if you've changed your mind that is perfectly fine as well,"

"N..no it's still okay..." Ikuya stuttered out in reply. Although he knew he hadn't done anything wrong and that he wouldn't get in trouble, Ikuya couldn't help the overwhelming feeling of anxiety that filled him. The two officers pulled two chairs from the side of the room over to the side of his bed before asking him a variety of questions including what the man looked like and what he had said. Ikuya tried his best to answer the questions however, he struggled, the concussion making his head heavy and his memory hazy.

"It seems you're struggling to remember things so we'll leave you to rest now. We'll leave you a phone number to call however in case you remember any other information," One of the officers said after around half an hour. They pulled out a card with both officers phone numbers and names on and handed it to Ikuya before saying a quick thank you and leaving.

Ikuya gently lay back down, trying to move his ribs as little as possible. A knock on the door however halted his movements as he mumbled a quiet

"Yeah?"

The door opened revealing one of the nurses who had been taking care of him. She was carrying a tray with a glass of water and some pills on and she gave Ikuya a sympathetic smile

"I've got some pain medication for you, it should help to stop your ribs from hurting."

Ikuya nodded in response, accepting the glass and the pills as the nurse handed them to him. After taking the pills, he said a quiet "Thanks," earning another smile from the nurse.

"How are you feeling?" She asked after placing the tray down next to his bed

"Tired mainly, and confused. My ribs feel like they're stabbing me," Ikuya replied with a weak smile

"The painkillers should help with that. We'll send some painkillers home with you as well, as long as you take them often enough it shouldn't hurt too much, but you do have a couple of broken ribs so it's going to hurt a bit," The nurse explained before adding "Your parents are on their way as well, they're going to visit you and then the doctor will check everything once more. If everything looks alright, you'll be able to go home," Ikuya nodded with a small smile as the nurse left the room once more, leaving him to continue resting.

 

 

Natsuya, his parents and Nao soon arrived at the hospital where Ikuya was and the four of them made their way into the reception, telling the receptionist their names and who they were here to see.

Natsuya's hands were shaking as they made their way upstairs to the room they had been directed to by the receptionist. Nao noticed this and gently grasped Natsuya's clammy hand in his own.

"He'll be okay," Nao reassured, to which Natsuya nodded slightly, wiping away the tears building in his eyes before they could fall.

They reached the room that they had been directed to before Natsuya's parents halted, turning towards the other two.

"We're not going to mention about him running away just yet...I feel like it would be better to ask him at home after he's had a while to recover..." His mother explained and Natsuya and Nao both nodded in understanding

"...How bad are his injuries....?" Natsuya asked in a small voice

"They said a couple of his ribs were broken and he has a mild concussion but it's nothing that won't heal on its own in time, he just needs to rest." His father joined in. Natsuya gave another short nod before his father turned back to the door, knocking on the door before hearing a quiet, nervous-sounding "Yeah?" from inside the room.

They entered the room in silence, neither of them knowing what to say. There was a beam of light shining into the room from a gap in the curtains which gently illuminated the room, making them able to see Ikuya's pale looking face. Ikuya averted his eyes from his parents' gaze, accidentally making eye contact with Natsuya before looking away even faster.

"How are you feeling?" Their mother asked Ikuya in a quiet voice, sensing the anxiety that practically radiated off of her youngest son.

"I'm fine..." Ikuya replied, still avoiding eye contact

"I'm sure you'd probably be more comfortable at home, right?" His father asked, to which he nodded

"We just need to go and sign some papers and then we can go, okay?" His mother smiled as he nodded and her and his father left the room.

There was a long, uncomfortable silence as Ikuya, Natsuya, and Nao were left alone in the room. Nao attempted to lighten the atmosphere by saying

"I'm so glad you're okay Ikuya,"

To this, Ikuya smiled slightly and replied with;

"Thanks..." After this the room went back to being silent, neither of the three knowing what to say. After around five minutes, Natsuya broke the silence, looking directly at Ikuya as he started talking

"Ikuya, I'm so sorry...I shouldn't have said what I said the other day...." He trailed off, wanting nothing more than to envelope Ikuya in a big hug, however, he knew how uncomfortable Ikuya was around him, and he knew that hugging him surely couldn't make it any better.

"It's fine..." Ikuya's voice was emotionless as he replied, making Natsuya doubt the sincerity of it.

"Ikuya....." Natsuya was dumbfounded as he stared at his brothers bruised face

"I said it's fine, can you please just drop it...." Ikuya hadn't meant to say that out loud however, once it was out, he felt a heavy weight lift off his chest.

It was at this point that his parents decided to reappear, a doctor following them as they stood by his bedside.

"Okay, Kirishima Ikuya, I just need to check a couple of things quickly and then you're okay to leave," The doctor began his check up and reached the conclusion that Ikuya was fine. He gave a few extra details to his parents about how to help his ribs heal however, Ikuya zoned out, trying to ignore Natsuya's gaze which contained a mix of sadness, relief, and longing.

It wasn't long before they were all heading home, his father being careful to choose the roads which with the least potholes in them in an attempt to not agitate Ikuya's injuries. Ikuya drifted away with his thoughts as they drove, many different things swirling through his head however, one stood out the most;

_What do I do now?_


End file.
